While I was enjoying the She Speaks Conference in Concord, NC, my family and friends back in Arkansas enjoyed 106 degree heat.  But, this blog isn’t about the weather…..  Nope.  I wish it was that simple.  I would much rather talk weather than confess something heavy on my heart.

The conference inspired me beyond words.  I learned so much.  I heard such wonderful speakers like Lysa TerKeurst, Angela Thomas, and Beth Moore.  Each delivered a message that moved me.  But it wasn’t until the last speaker, Karen Ehman, that the heat was turned up.

I told Mark that afternoon after hearing her message that Moses had the burning bush and I had the burning tush.  God built a big old fire under my tush!  He usually just thumps me on the noggin but this time He burned me.

Karen Ehman’s message was centered around Revelation 2:4-5.

Yet I hold this against you:  You have forsaken your first love.  Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.  If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

To make a long sermon short, she pointed out that when you lose sight of your first ministry love.  Life perhaps gets in the way…..  you feel burned out….. God only knows the reason…..  But, when you forsake your first love; you fall.  She explained that repenting and going back to the things you did at first is what God wants.  If we don’t then He will remove the lampstand.  As she explained, the lampstand is what the bright light of God in our lives  sits upon.  He will remove the stand and the light goes out.

I hate to admit it but I let the smallest trivial things get in the way of God’s ministry in my life.  I avoid doing leg work to find speaking engagements by doing laundry.  I hide from the fear of failure by scrubbing floors.  I eat and shop to hide my anxiety.  Add everything up, and I forsake my first love.

God pointed out that I needed to get to work and stop wasting time by filling up my day with stuff.   I’m not saying I am never going to do housework again.  But simply find the balance of it all.  ((sigh))  And I thought I was doing well with the whole quest of  balance.  Praise God I have a new beginning each day!!

God bless……

I failed miserably this morning.  I vaguely recall being nudged before 5am but obviously I didn’t wake up fully to read and reflect.  So at 6:30, hoping that I would be quiet enough to do my thing without being noticed, I snuck to the living room to retrieve my Bible.  I managed to sneak back to the bedroom and to open my Bible, when I was discovered.  Both my son and hubby found me awake and the morning routine began and I ignored my thing. ((sigh))…I have been trying all morning to find a moment to steal away..((sigh)) and every time I do…((sigh))

I went to my Bible study feeling down and  so guilty for not waking up before everyone else.  My perfect record is now tarnished and I can not recover from it.  I sat in my car stunned with shame.  I just wanted to cry.  I want to be so well balanced and to do what I am supposed to do…find peace and contentment in all areas of my life as well as being totally centered on God.  UGH!!

Already the insecurities and the doubt for my quest was beginning to creep into my thoughts.  How will I ever be able to teach the world about finding balance IF I can’t do it.  Frustrated I stomped up the stairs of the church and plopped pouty self down in the front row.  I didn’t want anyone to see my frustration, so I kept my back to everyone.  Then I realized I left my papers at home.  UGH!!  ((sigh)) Now, I have to ask to see someone else’s so I can fill in the information needed for today’s lesson.  Swallowing hard and faking the best “today’s a great day” smile, I turned around and asked the lady behind me for hers, copied the notes, and politely handed them back.  Let the sulking continue….

Beth Moore’s image appeared on the screen.  She began her speech.  I immediately felt drawn into her message.  She began by introducing a formula for the brain change I need to conquer if I truly want to succeed in balance.  I need to realize that through God’s love, I am blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, redeemed and forgiven, and in that I am believing God.  She had us repeat that statement several times and then explained the significance to memorize it.  Funny, how the UGH’s and the sighs quickly diminished.  She’s was right.  I mean I already knew that but it was made clear to me that I needed to hear it….again.

Feeling somewhat better after reaffirming what I believe is true about God (blessing, choosing, accepting, adopting redeeming and forgiving me), the fact of the matter still remains that I did not do my thing this morning.  It was bothering me that I allowed life to interfere once again.  I could feel the UGH! coming on…sighing to keep from ughing, I settled my mind down to hear Beth once more.

She continued her speech with the most wonderful definition of “blameless.”  We are called to lead “blameless” lives.  Not perfect lives mind you but blameless lives.  Blameless living means without premeditated and willful sinning.  Living without thinking of ways to sin..  Huh!  Then it hit me…I am trying to find the perfect formula for living a perfect Christian life with results in contentment.  Perfection will never be achieved here on Earth.  Perfection isn’t what I need to strive for.. but rather, blamelessness.

Now, I really need to find some reflection time for this one.. excuse me, the kids are occupied and well, I need to meet with God…

God Bless..

Well today was the first day of my new Bible study class.  This is the first time I have ever done a Bible study over the summer.  I guess God did not want to put any distance between me and his Word.  Saying that, He led me into this Beth Moore study.  Perhaps, now, I can actually say I am a Beth Moore Junkie!

Well, I watched the video with my Tuesday morning ladies and it was so amazing how it lined perfectly up with the sermon I heard Sunday.  I guess God knows I can be stubborn and thick at times so He wanted the message to be clearly heard.  After getting a “spiritual” whoopin.. again…  I decided to ease the pain by using a coupon for lunch and so headed to the nearest McD’s.

Since I multi-task in my sleep, I couldn’t just go in and have lunch.. I brought my Bible study book and Bible with me (thought I would get a head start on the homework).  I finished eating and continued to study.  A couple came in and sat near me.  They were quiet and I had the feeling that she was going to speak to me.  Coincidentally, I read about how we are to open our eyes to the little ways God talks to us just as the gut feeling of “oh man, she’s going to talk to me.”  Again, I’m thick headed… so I continue to look only to my workbook.

As I gathered my things, they were clearing up their spot.  I stood and she said, “Oh, I thought you were studying.. but I see you are Beth Mooreing..”  I smiled and nodded.  She continued, “I’ve never seen that book before what is it?”  Immediately, I thought, Okay God, do Your thing..I was a little “abrupt” with my thinking but settled down into a conversation… I have a lot to do today.. And with that attitude, you know God is about to “thump” me into listening.

As it turned out, she and her husband had traveled from Duke University where her daughter had graduated.  They are on their way home.  Through the course of the conversation, I found out that she had taken Breaking Free ten years ago.  I promptly encouraged her to take it again since Beth had updated it.  Then such a sadness came across her face.

“When I took it 10 years ago, I didn’t think it made a difference.”  she so quietly stated.

“I read the book a while back and felt the same way.  However, the study has moved me towards ministry even more than I was already.”  I explained.

“Perhaps, I need to do it again.” she sparked up, “And the little gal who is house sitting for us right now has had a hard life and is struggling with so many things, perhaps I need to take her with me.”

“I believe God is tugging on your heart.”  I explained, “Maybe, God is calling you to mentor this young lady and help pull her through the other side.”

She smiled and I smiled.  “Thank you,” she remarked, “I needed to hear that.”

And with that we went our separate ways.  UGH!!  I can get so wrapped up in “stuff” that I don’t see God’s handiwork.  I get so aggravated at myself sometimes.  I am just thankful that I took the time to listen to God’s nudge…ahem.. THUMP!!

God Bless….

Don’t you just love it when someone says something profound and then all of a sudden, in every situation, it keeps popping in your head proving their profound statement even more true???  That is what has been happening to me ever since I was in Breaking Free on Tuesday.  Beth Moore just seems to peg a few points for me… over and over again… perhaps God is trying to tell me something!!

Beth [in my mind we are on a first name basis.. I have seen her on DVD enough that I feel like I know her personally]… anyway Beth was talking about how we have confused frustration with tribulations.  Whenever a monkey wrench is thrown, our daily plans turn into havoc or if things don’t go our way, we act as if our frustrated situation is a tribulation.  So being the the word nerd I am, I just had to prove Beth wrong… looking up tribulation this is what I discovered…

-noun

1. grievous trouble; severe trial or suffering.

2.an instance of this; an affliction, trouble, etc.

Okay, Beth, you won…  but…but…but…when the kids are shouting and the lady cuts me off….but, but, but, but….((sigh)) you’re right..  Of course, during our Wednesday night Bible class, what was pointed out?????  Paul and Silas in prison, beaten, broken, bleeding, surrounded by skanky filth, and rats (Acts 16)…HELLO!  TRIBULATION!!!!!  And here’s my response: tears.  My so called “tribulations” are nothing in comparison.  SO why am I complaining?  I mean Paul and Silas began singing praise to God during their tribulation.  Now, how am I reacting to my “frustration?”  [Okay, I am going to be honest... sometimes I become a big old whiney baby.]  Anyone else???

***

Okay, folks, I posed a challenge yesterday..Remember??  Eating Cleaning out our freezers??  Seeing how long we can go without going to the grocery store except for the basics (milk, eggs, bread, and butter)??  So, for my first freezer meal I got creative!!

I took two bags for frozen chicken split breasts..boiled the chicken and removed the bones and skin.  Boiled a bag of carrots and peas.  Cooked spaghetti noodles in the chicken broth (the water I boiled the chicken in).  Chopped a bundle of green onions.  Threw 1/3 of the chicken, drained carrots and peas, green onions, and noodles in a big bowl.  I poured a small bottle of ranch dressing and added a little salt and pepper..MMMMM  Yummy!!

From this:

To this:

Don’t forget, I want you to document your results and I want to see your freezer.  Send me your story and pix to regina@reginadettra.com by April 28th.  I will pick a winner and send you a freezer cookbook!!  Click here for more details.

In today’s world, we need protection…health insurance, auto insurance, identity theft protection, burglar alarms, sunscreen… the list could go on and on….

In many cases protection is deemed as a necessity.  How often do we hear the quacking voice of that irritating duck, “AFLAC!”???  Protection=security and security=feeling safe and feeling safe=satisfaction… Right??  Protecting myself from harm is good.  However, if I surround myself with “bubble-wrap” mentality, I could be missing out on God’s purpose for me…

Chew on that one for a bit..I have ever since I left my Beth Moore (Breaking Free) class today.  If I continually band-aid my wounded soul and practice self-protection to keep from getting hurt, could I be ruining a chance for God to work through me?  I have asked myself is the self-protection or is it a missed opportunity of my calling?

Deep…

This morning, I asked Jesus to join me for a walk.  We were walking around the basketball court and I was doing most of the talking.  Explaining my feelings and that I am really feeling a spiritual workout from all the homework Beth Moore has me doing from the “Breaking Free” study.

I have a tendency to close up whenever I do a study or am reading a “get yourself together” self-help book; and this time I had promised myself that I would get through whatever comes my way…. facing my giants, you might say…..  So last night, Beth Moore challenged me to take a hard truthful look at the strongholds that I have struggling to remove from my life.

So this morning…. what a perfect opportunity to have Christ on my walk…..  because for the first time….EVER….I wanted to stare down what has kept me in captivity….. I was about to get honest….. real honest… scary honest….Mr. T “I pity the fool” honest…..I began explaining the emotions that have been driving the eating….the hurt, the betrayal, the pain, the suffering…..then out of no where I begin to list details of events that I had endured over the years…details:  so and so did this, said this, looked at me like this….. get the picture.  Hello!  Regina!  Christ was there!  Remember???

It was like Christ stopped me grabbing my arm and saying, “If this is going to be a pity party, I’m outta here.”  No, no… I reassured myself…..no pity party this time…. so I began to talk to Christ about the truth of the matter….I’m being badgered by stuff I need to banish.  Then WHAM!  Details start popping back up in my head.

So then, I literally stopped walking and said:

I’m sorry Jesus….. Satan is up in my head filling me full of details again.   Now Satan….

I turned to the left….

Satan, BACK OFF, BUCKO!!  I am not falling for that again.  No more pushing play on my memory file.  I don’t want to hear those details again!!

Turning back to the right….

Jesus….surround my thoughts.  Keep Satan’s dirty little paws off my memory buttons.  I’m tired.  I’m ready to heal.  I want freedom from all the “wrongs” that I have stored up there in my memory.  I want to stop the cycle and I need help keeping Satan out of my head.

Then I started walking again…..I felt liberated.  On lookers probably thought I had lost my mind…..but, nevertheless,  I feel liberated.

God Bless