In 2001-02, I had lost complete hope.  Mark and I had settled into a pattern of  ”staying at home” on Sundays.  I didn’t realize how far out of touch I was with God until the day my father fell ill.  That ill-fated day started with a doctor explaining to me that his bad case of heartburn was really a blood clot and I need to call the family to the hospital because he wasn’t going to live.

Dad?  Die?  Those words crippled me.  I didn’t know what to do except dial my family members and try to say those dreaded horrible words.  That day was the longest.  Every time,  there was hope of his survival another bleak, “He won’t survive” response would come.  I didn’t know what to do but cry.

Feeling the emotional strain of the day, I excused myself to go to the restroom.  I remember, thinking, and strolling down the hallway numb to the news that there was no longer any hope.  As I walked, I felt a calling.  I had done everything but pray for my dad.  My heart was breaking and I needed to ask God for help.

I found the hospital chapel.  The weight of the day pulled me down to my knees.  Shuttering with fear mixed with anger,  I told God I didn’t trust Him. He ignored my plea for Mom’s life allowing her to die.  I yelled that it wasn’t fair like a angered child.  Dad and I had started to make amends for a 4 year cold war between us.  I plead my case for wanting to continue the mending. I sobbed because I didn’t want to be an orphan.  I  promised Him my life.  If he would just make Dad better, I would be whatever it meant to be a Christian woman.   Then I begged Him for a chance to make my promise come true.

After crying on the chapel floor, I wiped my eyes and left the room.  To be honest, I didn’t think God was going to help me out by making me keep that promise.  He didn’t with mom so I didn’t have faith that he would this time.

God had a plan for Dad and I.  He was about to come into our lives and become a permanent fixture.  Since Dad’s experience, he has changed…..  softened, involved, and well… more of a dad than ever before.

Every Sunday, I sit between the two men I love the most, Mark and my Daddy.  Words can not express how much that means to me…..

God Bless…..

When I was 11 or so, my family packed up the big old “poopy” brown station wagon and went on vacation to Kentucky to visit my dad’s family.  We were packed in the old wagon like sardines.  My dad, brother and grandfather sat in the front while us ladies, mom, granny and myself took the back seat.  We had just  spent a wonderful week in the mountains of Kentucky and it was time to go home.  Waving our goodbyes, dad pulled the old station wagon out on the highway towards home.

Dad had insisted we travel through Chattanooga.  So off we went map in hand and the best route planned.  We had gone through Cumberland Gap and were enjoying the Smokey Mountains.  Dad grabbed the trusted old map and pointed out there was a little tiny road that crossed through the mountains that would save us hours of travel time.  Naturally, it was a short cut and Dad couldn’t resist an adventure.

The road was so winding and its curves had curves.  It was a very narrow and I don’t believe we ever passed another soul on that road.   With every twist and turn, we were getting car sick.  We rolled down the windows because the old wagon began overheating from all the stress.  Mixed with the heat and queasy stomaches, we were all miserable.  This little short cut was 11 miles long and it took over an hour to drive.  Our green faces and sweat pressed hair told our story once we reached the gas station at the end of the road.

Ya know, when ever we decide to take short cuts along the path God has given us, we can almost guarantee that sick queasy feeling warning us something is a muck.  We may have the best intentions: to save time, money and sometimes to save ourselves from a hassle of one sort or another.  Those intentions makes those short cuts seem so innocent or even part of God’s plan.  And with that thinking, we get ourselves into trouble.

When we take short cuts or create short cuts for our benefit, we take the reins and put God in the passenger seat.  We may have a map and think it will be easier to take the short cut but in the end we are in control….. Not God.  On a personal note, I usually mess things up when I try out a short cut.  God’s map-quest has a list of directions that must be followed by His standards, length, or full of twists and turns.  Our job is to stay on the straight and narrow following the directions with full faith and full trust that God knows the way.

Besides, who likes feeling sick to their stomach???

In Acts 3:1-10, Peter and John were entering the temple.  They saw a crippled man begging for money just outside, Beautiful, a temple gate.  Having no money, Peter told him that they had something more and in Jesus’ name commanded him to walk.  And he did.

This passage was pointed out to me in my Bible study this morning.  Pondering over it and thinking, I concluded that I am like Peter.  Now, Now, don’t think I have these healing powers like Peter.  But, I was entrusted with a power like any other Christian on this planet…… Jesus’ Love.  And this Love is more powerful than any crippling illness, depression, or any tragedy in our life.

I possess this love and I am continually weaving it through every stitch of my being.  I want to be someday completely overflowing with His love.  I want God’s light to shine around me, through me and be of me.   And everyday, I purposely get closer to that goal.  See, Peter and John were just mere ordinary people like you and I when they met Jesus.  Jesus taught them many valuable lessons and how to live in and of His word.  They were doing as they were instructed to spread the news and love of  Jesus Christ.

Having the power to heal is one thing…… well… would it be safe to say that the power is the very extension of God’s  perfect love?  My life is the extension of His perfect love.  I look back and I see His love woven into every experience and story of my life.  Perhaps at the time, I didn’t realize or want to believe it, but it was there nevertheless.  So as you read or hear my stories, God’s love reveals hope, trust, guidance, mercy, and  the most compassionate love to the eyes and ears of every person in attendance.  His revelation brings healing, comfort, and hope into so many lives.  So in a way, I am like Peter and guess what…… so are you……

God Bless……

In an earlier post, I boldly said that I wasn’t going to load down my cart with “other stones” and only carry the stones that God had placed in my cart so that I can stay focused on His plan for me to speak and to motivate.  My speaking ministry, blog, and forum is going to be my top priority next to my family. I decided to keep it in focus and wasn’t going to be pulled astray.  This ministry is important to God and to me.  We want success!

I told myself that I wasn’t going to accept as many interpreting assignments and substitute teaching days in order to stay focused.  It takes hours of reading, studying, and writing to get all that I want to say, script and discuss.  This is more than just a “computerized” journal and my life is under a microscope to live out what I propose.  (I am a firm believer of practicing what you preach!)  It is a lot of work and well….I love it.

Little did I realize that we had grown comfortable with the extra money the interpreting and substitute teaching brought in each month.  It makes the ends meet so much easier.  Our budget was created around only one paycheck and anything extra…. well…. was an extra.  Well, naturally, our spending habits enjoyed the “extra” cushion.  Since my decision, we have felt the belt tighten around here.  Now, I hear a little voice every time my phone rings…..”Oh, you should take that assignment…..your work can wait.  It will be there when you get back….. ”  That voice made a valid point.  I can just see Satan sitting there trying to lull me into taking my focus off of God’s plan.  Satan is trying to rob me of my fulfilling work to be a slave to either the feeling of obligation or to a dollar.  Then I hear my words from the previous post.  ”Why are there other things in my cart?”  God’s point held more validity.

In fact, I had told a school on Monday that the only day I had clear was Wednesday to sub.  I would have held my promise to them and gone if a call was made.  But, I made the promise out of a feeling of obligation.  I felt bad for turning them down, again.  So, I prayed for all the teachers to be well enough to go to work.  I needed some time writing and studying.  And this morning, at the breakfast table I told Mark, “I hope they don’t call.”  And they didn’t.  I had to prove to myself that I was going to be okay without the extra money.  Besides, God blessed me with a fat check from the resale shop I take clothes to sell….a little reward from God.  And the feeling that I am doing what I am supposed to do is reward enough in itself.

I know that God is more faithful and will reward me more if I stay focused. He has already proven that today.  I have to stay on the path He has laid.  Now does that mean I can’t sub or interpret?  No, it just means I need to be ready….have a back up blog, forum question, and a well rehearsed and planned speech written.  It is a matter of planning and preparing.  And to have faith that God will bless me with a lighter load.  It is written in black and white:  Matthew 11:30 “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  I feel richer already…….

God Bless……

Ever opened your planner and found a week jammed packed of things to do???  That is what happened to me this past weekend.  I had something to do or somewhere to be for each little column in my week’s view  planner.  I had some wonderful adventurous activities plus I was going to spend a day with a friend with twin newborns and a friend who had surgery.  Both had called and wanted me over this week.  I had it all laid out in my head and it was going to be a well oiled machine of a week.

Thinking everything was working out great, I checked off my daily plans one by one with confidence that all my bases were covered.  Then the phone rang.  My dear friend recovering from surgery called upset and well… very angry with me.  She thought I was coming over on Monday or Tuesday and I had her down the list for Thursday.  I felt horrible.  I had not listened to her request when she asked me to come over.  I found a slot for her in my schedule and penciled her in without realizing she needed me over at the beginning of the week.  I had allowed convenience for me to come first.  I had juggled a thousand balls and a really important one dropped.  Even though I had scheduled an entire day to be with her, it didn’t matter  . I had placed someone I love on a check list….. and it.. no, I,  hurt her.   No matter what I said, I couldn’t relieve the feeling of not having been loved by a friend.

And do you know what I realized??  I just humanly witnessed how God feels when He is an item on my to do list.  Disappointing isn’t it.  I am full of  guilt and shame.  And when all this was happening with my friend, I cried out in Mark’s arms, “Why do I stretch myself so much that I allow things like this to happen??”  And to think I thought I had it all together…. HA!  So why do we put anyone but especially God on a check list?  Read my Bible… check.  Pray….. check…. do laundry… check….Thank God for a dishwasher…… check…. scrub toilets…. check…. get my point???

While watching the movie, “College Road Trip,” with my two kids, I started getting choked up at the point of the movie when the character played by Raven is actually leaving the nest for college.  Effectively using flashbacks the director had scenes moving from the “good old days” with little Raven and the current  Raven leaving the teary-eyed parents to enter the dormitory.  I was crying along with the parents.  I kept thinking that this will be me real soon.

Cozy on the couch, my son watched the tears stream down my face.  Moved by my reaction to the movie, he curled up on my lap putting his arms around my neck.  Whispering in my ear, “I won’t go to college, mommy if it is going to make you cry.”

Squeezing him tightly, I whispered back, “No, I want you to go to college.  But I will just have to go with you.”

Isn’t it hard to let our kids grow up??  I have reached a time in my life when I am counting my blessings because they are at the brink of leaving me to an empty nest.  When they were little, I couldn’t imagine the time coming when I am worrying about college.  I was overwhelmed and obessed  about leaving them in the care of a daycare and on to kindergarten.  I hadn’t thought past the elementary years. Yet, here I am thinking about their future and how numbered my days are to have them in my nest under my wings of protection.

Imagine how Mary felt.  I wonder if she laid in bed at night worrying  about Jesus growing up and leaving her nest.  Or did she find rest knowing he was going to change the world?  How in the world did she get through the milestones of his life?  Was she anxious or excited?   I sure wish we had her “how to raise a son and not be overly anxious” book.

I guess I just need to relax, enjoy each day I have with them, and help them find their Godly pathway and purpose in life.  But… sniff….it is…. sniff so hard…..sniff sniff……